Apologies, I know you’re all celebrating Easter however you can – waves- but I could really use your help. I’ve always found blurbs hard to write, but coming up with one blurb for three books is driving me insane. If you’ve got a sec could you tell me what you think of this?
Innerscape Omnibus blurb 1
‘Innerscape is marketed as a digital paradise where the terminally ill live out their lives in young, pain free bodies indistinguishable from the real thing. But Miira Tahn, last Lady of Dhurai, soon discovers that all is not well in paradise; an assassin is stalking the Burning Man, and nothing is what it seems. Together with friends, Kenneth Wu and Jaimie Watson, Miira becomes embroiled in a deadly game of cat and mouse where losing means death. Only by fighting back can she save herself, and those she loves.’
Is it too cheesy? Does it give too much away? Is there enough to interest a reader? Is it ‘sci-fi’ enough? -cringe- Is it just too boring?
Thank you, thank you!
Meeks
Meeka's Mind 
April 13th, 2020 at 2:11 pm
I just learned so much reading both the blurb and the comments.
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April 13th, 2020 at 4:29 pm
lol – we aim to please. 😀 Actually, I learned a lot too. Writing a good blurb is an art form in itself.
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April 13th, 2020 at 1:05 pm
Any thoughts I had are already in the comments, so… just going to say, ‘hi’. 🙂
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April 13th, 2020 at 1:47 pm
Hi yourself. 😀 The blurb is done. Just waiting for KDP to do its thing now. 🙂
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:44 pm
[…] my last post I sent out a call for help, and my wonderful online friends […]
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April 12th, 2020 at 8:52 pm
I like Elizabeth’s best, but would modify it slightly (and present it) as follows:
Innerscape: a digital paradise where the terminally ill live out their lives in young, pain free bodies.
But Miira Tahn discovers paradise is a lie.
An assassin stalks the Burning Man.
Lies masquerade as truth.
Together with her friends, Miira plunges into a deadly game of cat and mouse.
If she loses, she loses everything.
Her life – Those she loves – All of Innerscape.
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:12 pm
Oh, yes. That spacing really does add an extra punch, doesn’t it? Thanks Chris. You guys are the best. Literally. 🙂
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:15 pm
👍🤗
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April 12th, 2020 at 6:50 pm
I prefer Elizabeth’s – but I wonder if virtual would be more evocative than digital? virtual sounds more scifi/fantasy to me. Have you looked through all the reviews, and lifted your favourite summaries?
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:10 pm
I am really conflicted with VR vs digital world. VR is what Aki and the other players use, but they don’t live there. Miira and Jaimie actually exist in a world that is completely digital. I’m probably splitting hairs with this one that no one else can see.
And no, no I haven’t gone back to the reviews…but I will! You are a very smart lady. 😀
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April 13th, 2020 at 10:04 am
As long as you see them, they exist, even if nobody else sees them 😁
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April 13th, 2020 at 1:43 pm
This is true, but my very clever friends gave me the perfect way out. ‘Virtual reality’ didn’t feel right, but ‘virtual paradise’ feels perfect. 😀 😀
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April 13th, 2020 at 6:30 pm
You aren’t splitting, you are being expert. The rest of us aren’t expert though 😉
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April 13th, 2020 at 8:02 pm
lol – I…never thought of that. 😀
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April 12th, 2020 at 4:30 pm
I really like Elizabeth’s suggestion, that is very strong indeed. From a proofreading point of view, I would only suggest maybe “…paradise is an illusion” to avoid the repetition of “lie” and “lies”. Otherwise, that is an excellent blurb
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:05 pm
Hi Chris, Yes, that works. Thank you. 🙂
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April 12th, 2020 at 3:02 pm
I agree with other comments — it’s not cheesy, but maybe doesn’t convey the technology of Innerscape. I like the concentrated brevity of Elizabeth Drake’s version, and Cage’s reference to a “non-living being,” although maybe “non-physical” is more accurate.
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:04 pm
Yes, I do too. I think I have to stop trying to precis the three individual blurbs are rethink it ‘as a story’.
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April 13th, 2020 at 11:21 am
The revised version seems to do that.
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April 13th, 2020 at 1:46 pm
Yes! I keep reading and re-reading it, and each time I’m astounded by what a difference it makes.
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April 12th, 2020 at 1:07 pm
It’s not cheesy.
How about:
‘Innerscape is a digital paradise where the terminally ill live out their lives in young, pain free bodies. But Miira Tahn discovers paradise is a lie, an assassin stalks the Burning Man, and lies masquerade as truth. Together with her friends, Miira plunges into a deadly game of cat and mouse. If she loses, she loses everything. Her life. Those she loves. And all of Innerscape.
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:02 pm
Thanks, Elizabeth, that does sound better. 🙂
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April 12th, 2020 at 12:52 pm
I agree with the previous two: take out ‘marketed as’ and it is clearer.
The worldbuilding is first, and the relationship between the lady and the burning man isn’t clear – is the reference to the burning man necessary?
As a suggestion:
Miira Tahn, last Lady of Dhurai, enters Innerscape where the wealthiest of the terminally ill live out their lives in bodies both young and painfree.
But when lives are endangered,Miira and her friends, Dr Kenneth Wu and [who is Jamie Watson to her?], enter into a deadly game with an assassin who chases the burning man – and murders anyone who gets in his way.
How can a non-living being fight back in a digital paradise that isn’t all it appears to be?
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:00 pm
Thanks, Cage. ‘Marketed’ is definitely gone! The burning man is actually explained in The Godsend, as is the friendship between Miira and Jaimie. I just don’t want to give too much away because the 3 books are one, very long story. 😦
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April 12th, 2020 at 12:07 pm
Cheesy…No!…Generic but that is ok as sometimes too much is revealed ..writing the blurb for three books is not easy and you have done well. Be safe and well 🙂 Happy Easter 🙂 x
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April 12th, 2020 at 9:56 pm
Ah hah…first classic & now generic. lol I see a re-write in my future. Thanks Carol. I really do appreciate both the honesty and the ah, diplomacy. 😀 -hugs-
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April 12th, 2020 at 9:57 pm
Always diplomatic… Sigh xx
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:16 pm
-giggles- No! I was serious. I knew it wasn’t ‘right’ and I knew my friends would help. And you have, all of you. I’m feeling so much happier about the blurb mark2 now. -hugs-
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:21 am
It isn’t cheesy, in my opinion, and it certainly doesn’t include spoilers. I think it’s “classic” enough, which means, it isn’t spectacular and unique, but you can’t go wrong with it, either. I think that both the name of the book and the early mention of “digital” are keeping you safely in the “sci-fi” genre, and any more focus would feel too much. So, overall, it’s a good blurb. As you said, it’s extremely difficult to come up with a single one for 3 books, so I think that’s perfect.
Now! Maybe because English isn’t my mother tongue, I was a bit confused when I started reading it. “Innerscape is marketed”… yes, it became clear almost right afterwards, but a moment or two I was wondering why you are saying that your book is marked as a digital paradise. 🤣 So, I would suggest altering this sentence a bit. Maybe it’s just me, though. 😇
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April 12th, 2020 at 10:22 am
“why you are saying your book is marketed” not “marked” 😅😅😅
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April 12th, 2020 at 9:53 pm
lol – thanks Yorgos! I just re-read it myself and you’re right ‘marketed’ gives the wrong impression entirely. Thanks for picking it up. 🙂
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